Daughter Dee’s DNA Surprise

Sometimes, DNA surprises happen more than once. NPEs, adoptees, and donor-conceived people might have their worlds shaken, only to have it happen again months, years, or even decades later. In this week’s episode, Daughter Dee shares her late discovery adoptee experience, which was followed decades later by an NPE. She shares how she learned that she was adopted, how she uncovered the truth about her biological father, and how she’s turned her experiences into helping others.

Thank you for sharing your story, Daughter Dee.

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Episode Transcript

Transcripts are AI-generated and may not reflect the final published episodes.

[00:00:00] Daughter Dee: my nurture is very strong, but then there’s that nature part of the, I didn’t understand, like, why I was exhibiting certain mental characteristics. Well, I had certain physical characteristics. I never got the clear answers on those. And then after a while, I just had to accept what they told me and what was.

[00:00:23] Daughter Dee: I’m Daughter Dee, age 55, and I live in the Maryland area in the Washington D. C. region.

[00:00:34] Daughter Dee: My DNA Surprise

[00:00:35] Daughter Dee: story started in 2021, and it was close to my birthday. I started Watching television one day when I was working from home and all these 23andme commercials kept coming on and I kept wondering, I wonder if I should do a DNA test. There was this side that I didn’t know about on my paternal side and I wanted to learn more.

[00:01:02] Daughter Dee: It was just some information that was missing, and I decided that I was going to order a kit. So I ordered it in February, and ironically it arrived on my birthday, March 1st. And I just thought I was going to go out and celebrate. This was my 53rd birthday. And I decided I would wait to do the kit. So I waited a week, March 8th. And I swabbed my mouth, sent the kid in, and the results came back the end of March. And when they came back, they weren’t what I thought they were going to be. I thought I was going to get some information based on the birth father that I was told 30 years ago. In 1991, I was told that it was one man. That had died in a car accident, and then he was the only child from his parents. His mother was still living at the time, and we had a hard time bonding. When she found out that she had this granddaughter, she just wasn’t sure about me. I just wasn’t getting the warm and fuzzies from her, the good vibes.

[00:02:05] Daughter Dee: But that was the narrative, I was told.

[00:02:07] Alexis: And how old were you when he died in a car accident?

[00:02:12] Daughter Dee: I was about three months old.

[00:02:14] Alexis: Okay. So you never had a relationship with, with that man.

[00:02:18] Daughter Dee: now he, um, I was in a pre adopted foster home waiting to get adopted. And I didn’t know I was adopted. You know, I’m, I’m an infant, so I, I’m a late discovery adoptee. So I didn’t even find out until 23 years later of my life that I was adopted. But once I found out, I was told it was this man that was my birth father.

[00:02:41] Daughter Dee: So that was the narrative for like the next 31 years of my life.

[00:02:44] Alexis: Going back, you said you were a late discovery adoptee. So you were adopted at how many months old?

[00:02:52] Daughter Dee: About two and a half months. So I was in a pre adoptive foster home from about March 6th to about May 21st.

[00:02:59] Daughter Dee: We were raised in the Christian home and we had traditional values. My father was born in 1921, so he lived through a lot of decades. He was a World War II veteran. And he worked for the federal government and around like I’m working for the federal government close to retirement now, and he was very community oriented and I’m very community oriented and civic minded.

[00:03:24] Daughter Dee: So I get a lot of that from him and my mother was a homemaker and we were young and I’m thinking that was probably with us being adopted. You know, she wanted to make sure that we had a good upbringing and that she was taking care of us, you know, from a Maternal standpoint, but she ended up working later in life, but the early years she was a stay at home mom,

[00:03:49] Alexis: Hmm,

[00:03:50] Daughter Dee: she, went to, she was in different professions like social worker, teacher, she was always into like just been entrepreneurial pursuits, and she was just a very good nurturing mother, like I learned a lot from her just about being a lady and Being punctual was huge, like just being, having a good work ethic, education was pushed, having religion to believe in and just making sure that we had goals in life and that we could achieve anything we wanted to achieve if we put our mind

[00:04:30] Alexis: Okay. And they never told you you were adopted?

[00:04:32] Daughter Dee: No, they did not.

[00:04:33] Alexis: Okay. And how did you learn that information? Because you said you were in your 20s when you found that out?

[00:04:38] Daughter Dee: Yes, I have an adoptive sister that’s four years older than me and she was adopted at a year old and I was two and a half months. So everyone knew that she was adopted but they didn’t know about me as far as my relatives on my adoptive side. So, when our mother was dying in 1991, June of 1991, that’s when a lot of things started coming out. About the past and the history and my adoptive sister told me she found out she was adopted. She didn’t know about me, but here was the name of the agency they went through to adopt her. So I started researching it and I said, well, you know, and I’m, we got the diagnosis. She was critical and that it was irreversible, her condition, which was cancer.

[00:05:21] Daughter Dee: But I still had hope that she was going to pull through and she never pulled through. She succumbed to cancer and she took the secret to the grave for her that we were adopted. So I never got to talk with her about it.

[00:05:32] Alexis: How did you learn then who your, your biological parents were or who you thought were your biological parents until you took your test?

[00:05:42] Daughter Dee: Right. So after my, my adoptive mother died, I found my birth mother and her family that same year through the adoption agency. And going back to what I said about the, the birth father, I was told that this, it was this one man that was, um, I died in the car accident and I had met his mother and, and I wanted to do a DNA test with her.

[00:06:06] Daughter Dee: Back then, you know, it wasn’t really out then. We could probably could have done some type of blood test in 1991, but she didn’t wanna do it. She just felt like I had been adopted, I had a good life and, you know, everything happened the way it was supposed to happen. So that was a narrative for 30 something years and then in 2021, during the pandemic, you know, I was just dying for a connection and family and wanting to know more about my heritage on that paternal biological side. So I thought I would do the DNA test to see if there was any medical history that would pop up, maybe some other relatives. Not thinking that when I did the DNA test that it was going to be a totally different man That showed up that I was matched to you know, like a hundred percent.

[00:06:50] Alexis: Oh, okay, so you get your results and you are actually matched to your father?

[00:06:57] Daughter Dee: Yes, my biological father.

[00:06:59] Alexis: What was your reaction when you saw that?

[00:07:01] Daughter Dee: It was a shock It was kind of like When I found out I was adopted at 23, I said, this is someone else’s life. You know, it was like a soap opera. Like I just couldn’t believe that. Here I go again with another surprise. First, not knowing that I was adopted all my life. And then thinking I knew who my birth father was 30 something years ago to find out it was someone totally different.

[00:07:25] Daughter Dee: And the DNA confirmed it. And I also had an aunt that was in the database that’s five years older than me. My birth father’s one of ten siblings. He’s the oldest. And initially the database thought she was my sister, but she was really my aunt. They were so close in age. And then I have a half sibling, a brother, that was in there.

[00:07:45] Daughter Dee: And he was claiming me from the beginning. He said, you’re my sister, he found me on LinkedIn. You know, we were matched percentage wise, the centimorgans, all of that.

[00:07:55] Alexis: Mm hmm. Did you reach out to your father right away?

[00:07:59] Daughter Dee: I did, I, as soon as it, the match happened, I reached out to his sister first, and she was the one, she was the connector. And she got in touch with him, and we talked on the phone, because he’s out west, I’m on the east coast, he’s on the west coast. And we talked on the phone, and just Went back, did a timeline on what happened from the time I was conceived up until the time I was born, you know, what was going on during that time in the late 60s.

[00:08:27] Daughter Dee: He didn’t remember, like, her name and her face, but he remembered the incident because he’s in his 70s, so he had to really go back in time on what was happening during that time period.

[00:08:39] Alexis: Okay, so he didn’t have a strong recollection of your your birth mother.

[00:08:44] Daughter Dee: Now, he remembered the incident,

[00:08:46] Daughter Dee: you know, it was a one night stand, an occurrence.

[00:08:49] Alexis: Okay, which is common, right? So, so then he did not know about you.

[00:08:54] Daughter Dee: No, he did not know she was pregnant, let alone that I was given up for adoption.

[00:08:58] Daughter Dee: So it was a shock for him just as much as it was for me. You know, even though I knew I was adopted, I just didn’t know that here I go again with another birth father. But this time, this time DNA sealed the deal. DNA doesn’t lie.

[00:09:12] Alexis: Right. You mentioned that your brother claimed you, how many siblings do you have now?

[00:09:16] Daughter Dee: I have two siblings on my birth father’s side. Yeah, he has two sons.

[00:09:20] Alexis: Okay. And then you have your sister that you were raised with,

[00:09:23] Alexis: On your, on your birth mother’s side. So you said that she didn’t really want to give you a lot of information that you. You know, she said you have a family. Did you build any sort of connection with her or was that initial, like, when you found her, was that kind of the end of that?

[00:09:40] Daughter Dee: Initially I did, but it fizzled out and still today we are not close and I think there’s a lot of trauma involved that hasn’t been dealt with. I mean, I’ve been doing a lot of my healing work around everything.

[00:09:56] Alexis: Yeah. I’m not huge on comparing traumas, but. You had these two massive identity shifts, DNA surprises, decades apart. How did they affect you? Was it similar? Was it, how was it different to learn that you were adopted? And then to learn that who you thought was your biological father was not?

[00:10:21] Daughter Dee: Yeah. It was a double surprise, like, well, here I go again, like going through the same emotions of myriad of emotions of why wasn’t I told, you know, how come I still didn’t know all of my truths.

[00:10:37] Daughter Dee: What do I do with this newfound information, and am I going to be rejected, and the whole issue around reunion and meeting and having additional family, wanting to embrace additional family, but am I going to be accepted?

[00:10:48] Daughter Dee: Am I going to be feeling like I have a sense of belonging? Are they going to understand my plight and my journey? All those types of things.

[00:10:59] Alexis: Do you feel like you’ve been able to make good connections with your found family?

[00:11:05] Daughter Dee: I have, yeah. A lot of my aunts, uncles, cousins, they live right here in the Washington, D. C. region where I am. And I moved here for work. Not thinking I, because I grew up in Philadelphia, PA. I said earlier that I was living in the Maryland and Washington DC area. That’s where I relocated to. My roots began in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and I

[00:11:30] Daughter Dee: moved,

[00:11:31] Alexis: wow.

[00:11:32] Daughter Dee: and I moved from there.

[00:11:34] Daughter Dee: In 2008 for work, I relocated for work with no one but colleagues and friends that already lived here. I’m not thinking I had any family, biological family

[00:11:44] Alexis: And so what have, what have those relationships looked like since you’ve connected

[00:11:48] Alexis: Do you like hang out a lot? What do you do?

[00:11:50] Daughter Dee: Yeah, I do. In fact, I’m going to be with them this weekend for July 4th. It’s coming up. And a lot of holiday events, graduations, birthday celebrations. My aunts, we go out once a month and just have a lunch or dinner. It’s like, it’s like the family I wanted, that I had like growing up, and my adoptive side, where everybody’s deceased now, and it’s like, being recarnated all over again.

[00:12:15] Daughter Dee: Like, oh, I’m getting the life back that I had as an adoptee. You know, I’m getting that family, that sense of connection, that sense of belonging that I was just lacking. Especially during the pandemic. It was really tough during the pandemic.

[00:12:28] Alexis: Do you have any questions for your parents? Um, today? Like if you could ask them about, you know, why they didn’t tell you about your adoption and things like that?

[00:12:39] Daughter Dee: Well, my adoptive father was still living, so I did talk to him after our mother died and he said they kept putting it off. They wanted to tell us that we were adopted.

[00:12:49] Daughter Dee: And I just just never did it was, like, the time he wasn’t right. It was never right. And they just said, why bother to say anything

[00:12:57] Alexis: What do you think about that?

[00:12:59] Daughter Dee: I recently spoke at a adoption summit in Kentucky and. We talked about when to tell the child and, you know, there’s never a good time, you know, what age, but I think it’s important for the adoptive parents to get post adoption support, like once they adopt the child, they’re on their own. And they leave it up to the parents to tell the child. There’s no instruction manual on what age and when to sit down with them and how to tell them. And counseling, I didn’t start doing any type of counseling till I got to college. So anytime there, I mean, there was really good. Support when it came to having my back and advocating for me, but I was a child that cried a lot. I was since very sensitive and I would be coddled, but sometimes, you know, I would be told to be strong.

[00:13:49] Alexis: Hmm. Can you talk more about Maybe how you felt when you discovered that you were adopted.

[00:13:57] Daughter Dee: It was surreal. It was a time period. It was 1991. It was one of the most tumultuous. Years of my life. Topsy turvy. I was a new college graduate in 1990 and 1991 comes then going to the hospital with my adoptive mother and actually, you know, she’s diagnosed with a terminal illness and I’m devastated. Like, no, I can’t lose her now.

[00:14:19] Daughter Dee: Like I’m just starting my life. You know, as a young woman, I need her, you know, she’s, you know, she’s not going to be there for me when I get married, have kids. And I felt cheated because I was the youngest out of my Adoptive siblings, so I felt like she got to see them get married, have kids and, and, and here I am a young woman just starting, like, I still need my mother, like, like a little girl, still needs her mother, like, you can’t leave me now, no, no, like, even though I’m 22.

[00:14:48] Daughter Dee: It was like when you’re coming out of college, you’re just starting your life, like, it’s like that next chapter of your life as a young woman. And I was losing her. And that was just devastating for me, but then at the same time, and she was, I felt like she was preparing me, like all those years of telling me to be strong.

[00:15:05] Daughter Dee: It was leading up to that moment, like, like she gave me everything she had, here I was a new graduate. And it was like, you know, I was ready, like to move on and take on the world. But even though emotionally. I still had answers, questions, and I still, there were still things I still felt like I needed from a nurturing standpoint. And then I fast forward to a couple months later, from June to September, you know, I found my birth mother, like, around Labor Day, I found her and all her relatives. So, I’ve lost one mother. And then gained another all within a couple months within the same year.

[00:15:41] Alexis: And you said it started out with more of a relationship and then it kind of fizzled out. Why do you think that is?

[00:15:46] Daughter Dee: I Just think she’s a very matter of fact person, like, you know, it’s a wise decision she gave me it for adoption. And I was hurt by that. I look back, I think maybe it was, and now I was better off. But to hear those words was hurtful, because it made me feel like I wasn’t wanted. Nobody, no kid wants to feel that way. A lot of times with birth mothers, they’re normally like, no, you would have had a better life without me, but then it’s at the same time. It’s like, well, you know, I’m being taken away from my biological roots, going through life, not having my medical history, and me being a late discovery adoptee, I’m putting my adoptive parents names down.

[00:16:27] Daughter Dee: For medical history information, it’s not even connected to my bloodline.

[00:16:31] Alexis: Mm hmm.

[00:16:32] Daughter Dee: So that’s, that’s a lot just in and of itself. Not having the truth all those years.

[00:16:38] Alexis: So something that a lot of people in the DNA Surprise community talk about is this idea of, you know, what if, what if I’d known earlier, what if I’d grown up in this family, those kinds of things. Have you contemplated those what ifs throughout your journey?

[00:16:57] Daughter Dee: Yes, I have. I went through the whole five stages of grief. the anger, the bargaining, the depression, and then the acceptance. And the bargaining was, what if I should, could have, I should have, could have, would have, like, asked maybe I didn’t dig deep enough. And I beat myself up for that, I just accepted what was told to me. But then at the same time I had time that was lost, that I could have been finding more information out about. Where I came from and I would have known, but I do know that my mother knew that I was a sensitive child. Definitely wasn’t the type that could have kept a secret. I probably would have told everyone that I was adopted, but

[00:17:38] Alexis: Hmm.

[00:17:39] Daughter Dee: I think she knew that I was a child that worried a lot.

[00:17:42] Daughter Dee: And when you’re under 18, you can’t do a search until you’re 18 or you got to have the permission. Of your adoptive parents to do a search for your biological parents. So I thought once I got to college, maybe they would have told me at least 18 once I became legal.

[00:17:58] Alexis: How do you reconcile now that, that lost time or have you been able to reconcile it?

[00:18:03] Daughter Dee: I’ve had to be more spiritual, like, just, , I’ve had to forgive.

[00:18:08] Alexis: Mm hmm.

[00:18:08] Daughter Dee: And, you know, parents, they do the best that they can. There’s a lot of books out there. A lot of times they have their own traumas and things that they’re dealing with.

[00:18:17] Alexis: Yeah, that is very true.

[00:18:19] Daughter Dee: And we have to give them

[00:18:20] Daughter Dee: grace. They’re not perfect. They don’t know it all. Sometimes they’re learning as they, they go and grow.

[00:18:26] Alexis: Right. And I think different times, too, people got different advice about how to, tell their children or not tell their children or, you know, those kinds of conversations were different than they are even now, I think. Did your , Adoptive father, share anything along those lines, like were

[00:18:44] Alexis: they ever told to tell you?

[00:18:47] Daughter Dee: I don’t know, like I, I’m not sure. I know I had a great aunt that I, I was her caregiver. It was my mom. Adopted father’s mother’s sister that I took care of and she was a social worker and I, and she worked at the agency where I was adopted or, or a similar agency. She worked at a lot of different agencies that centered around adoption and foster care.

[00:19:06] Daughter Dee: And I really think she probably counseled my dad and my mom on, were agency to go through to adopt us and everything. And irony that ended up becoming her caregiver in the end where she had helped so many children. all her career, all her life. I mean, that’s, that’s another story in and of itself, just divide, intervention, timing.

[00:19:25] Daughter Dee: I ended up being there for her when she was there for my adoptive parents, you know, around their adoption journey with getting me and my sister.

[00:19:34] Alexis: You mentioned that you didn’t have that, nature piece, and, and seeing yourself and understanding where you got certain characteristics and things like that, and then you mentioned that your adoptive father, he worked in the federal government, you went on to work in the federal government.

[00:19:52] Alexis: Did you get any of that genetic mirroring once you connected with either your biological mother or your father?

[00:20:01] Daughter Dee: I did, I saw some of it. Mannerisms, facial features, I did. Our personalities are different, but I see the physical characteristics.

[00:20:11] Alexis: HOw did that feel to, to get some of that confirmation?

[00:20:16] Daughter Dee: It was good. It helped explain a lot because that was always something I wondered about.

[00:20:21] Daughter Dee: Getting and trying to get, you know, get the medical history. Like I remember going to all my doctors, letting them know that I found my birth parents and here’s some additional medical history for my files.

[00:20:32] Alexis: Yeah, yeah, that’s a huge piece.

[00:20:35] Daughter Dee: all those years, you know, we have to say we’re we’re adopted, you know, and I just don’t understand why can’t the medical information come with the child?

[00:20:44] Alexis: Right, so, I know that you, you mentioned that you spoke at the Untangling Our Roots Summit, correct, in

[00:20:51] Daughter Dee: I sure did. Yes, I did.

[00:20:53] Alexis: arE you getting, more involved in adoptee advocacy and things like that in your journey?

[00:21:00] Daughter Dee: I am. I’ve been going to a support groups through Adoption Network in Cleveland and the NAP, National Association of Adoptees and Parents. They have a happy hour every, not every Friday, but like twice a month on a Friday. And then I also listened to one of the adoptees who also does support groups around putting yourself together after, after reunions.

[00:21:24] Alexis: mm,

[00:21:25] Daughter Dee: And how to handle the reunion process and I will say when I was 23, when I did that reunion, because I remember the social worker who read me by non identifying information said, no, I have to warn you, it was like, she was preparing me. But what was about to come, she said, biological parents might be deceased. Or they might not want to meet you, and she wasn’t saying that in a mean way, but just to kind of prepare me that this is what could happen when you start. Trying to reunite. And when you’re trying to search and find people, it might not always be that happy ending because, we have this fantasy land sometimes as adoptees, what we think we want it to be, or what it could be, and it might not turn out that way.

[00:22:10] Alexis: What are changes or what awareness do you want to bring around the adoption industry?

[00:22:17] Daughter Dee: I want people to know that it’s complex. Adoption is complex. It’s not a good thing for every birth mother because there’s so much trauma involved. There’s so many secrets. The whole triad is affected, not just the birth mother, but also the adoptive parents and the adoptee, and people aren’t getting healed, they’re not getting the support, they’re just told to just move on with their life and not deal with the root of the issue, the past, and it affects the child in the long run, you know, the birth mother, she has her trauma from Giving the child up and being told to move on with her life.

[00:22:56] Daughter Dee: She gets married, has other kids. But that pain sometimes is still there, that trauma’s still there. And the adoptive mother, she may not be able to have kids and she’s dealing with the pain of having to adopt a child and maybe not telling them or just feeling this kinship toward the child, like, this is my child, like, it’s my, like a biological child, you know. And then the adoptee is just In the middle of it all, you know, none, we don’t, we don’t ask to be born, you know, as adoptees, we’re here and these decisions, these decisions were made when we were infants and we were being

[00:23:33] Daughter Dee: denied

[00:23:34] Alexis: wHat are some things that, that you have done that has helped you process? You mentioned, counseling and things like that. And I’m, I’m still just honestly stunned that you’ve had like these two major discoveries separately.

[00:23:50] Daughter Dee: 30, 30 years apart.

[00:23:52] Alexis: Yeah, 30 years apart because I have interviewed, someone who knew that they were adopted and then found out, that they were an NPE because the person, I think that’s actually seems somewhat common that the person that the birth mother named is not the actual, biological father, but you’ve had these things happen three decades apart, pretty significant.

[00:24:16] Alexis: Shifts, surprises, traumas. What have you done to work through this?

[00:24:21] Daughter Dee: It’s interesting you would say that because I’m, when I first found out my biological father through the DNA testing. I said, Oh, I’m older. I can handle it. You know, in my fifties now I was in my twenties then, but. All these feelings started coming up, like about to go to reunion again. It took me back to when I met my birth mother and her family.

[00:24:43] Daughter Dee: And then all these movies started coming on about adoption. I started watching them, and I realized I needed support, you know, I started ordering all these books through Amazon that were recommended, and I really, really needed those support groups, especially during the pandemic, when that was a time period where we were all indoors. To everything virtually and the support groups were virtually. They were national. We were connecting with other fellow adoptees from across the country and sometimes internationally.

[00:25:13] Alexis: Yeah.

[00:25:14] Daughter Dee: Nobody understands it more than your own people, people that are like minded. They get what you’re going through. Being an adoptee or NPE. And we’re just all kindred spirits. We’re all connected,

[00:25:28] Daughter Dee: It’s just a good feeling, you know, your friends can understand your co workers, your neighbors, your, your family members.

[00:25:35] Daughter Dee: Even if you have a spouse, sometimes they don’t understand your kids. If you have kids,

[00:25:40] Alexis: Yeah.

[00:25:41] Daughter Dee: but once we get in that, it’s just a great way to build community. When we all get together and adopt these or NPEs

[00:25:47] Daughter Dee: you know, you don’t have to do a lot of explaining

[00:25:49] Daughter Dee: because everybody gets it. They get it.

[00:25:52] Alexis: Yeah, it’s this unspoken knowledge that we all share. I think it’s really interesting because you’ve mentioned the pandemic a few times during this conversation and that the pandemic was kind of the catalyst for you really wanting to dig in more to your biological father’s side. And then also because of the pandemic.

[00:26:10] Alexis: You felt a little more isolated as you were navigating all of this change, and while COVID still exists, we are now, able to connect more. How do you think having this discovery during the pandemic affected you compared to if you discovered it today, for example?

[00:26:29] Daughter Dee: I believe the pandemic was a blessing. I really feel like that was a time period where I really went inward. Like I did a deep dive within myself and I had to literally sit myself down. Because we everybody didn’t know what was happening with the pandemic. They didn’t know if the world was coming to an end.

[00:26:47] Daughter Dee: People were dying left and right. And I really had to really look at

[00:26:50] Daughter Dee: what’s important here. You know, am I going to go to my grave not knowing all of my information and. I just created a different mindset shift of, okay, now’s the time. I have the time. I’m working from home. I’ve got time to really just sit down, because before the pandemic, it was just a hustle and bustle of just always

[00:27:09] Daughter Dee: being on the go and never being able to just sit down and do anything extra, and it was a time where I really wanted to connect, like, I really Wanted family and then here they just showed up like right not far from where I was living like, I mean I know there was a higher power at work.

[00:27:28] Daughter Dee: I don’t care if you’re an atheist. I know Manifestation Spiritual alignment and divine timing all at work because you can’t explain any of it I mean, I know something something bigger than myself. It wasn’t just me. Somebody was looking out for me

[00:27:43] Alexis: what is next for you in your journey as you, get to know your family more and continue learning more about yourself.

[00:27:52] Daughter Dee: I would say what’s next for me is just to continue to build kinship spirits with my fellow adoptees, helping others through the process I’ve been doing coaching, life coaching. I’ve been trying to be a supporter of other fellow adoptees doing, I’ve done several podcasts already. And I wanted to write my book,

[00:28:12] Daughter Dee: I was afraid because I was like, Oh, more information just keeps coming out, you know, but I’ve been.

[00:28:17] Daughter Dee: Sharing my story and doing storytelling through the, the oral communication versus written some of the podcasts, YouTube, speaking at support groups at conferences. And that’s been very cathartic. My background’s in public relations and rhetoric, and I was a Toastmasters for years, so I’ve really got to use my voice.

[00:28:39] Daughter Dee: In ways I’ve never used it before, be authentic and transparent about it and not hold back, not suppress on my mind. That’s been a healing bomb and I’m helping others in the process.

[00:28:51] Alexis: Yeah. Telling our stories out loud, I think is so powerful.

[00:28:55] Daughter Dee: I just want to be a blessing to others and, and help transform lives. As far as my story, and then it’ll resonate with people as they listen to it, and I can maybe help someone to be brave to do reunion or to get the support that they need. So that they can thrive and they’re not just surviving and not, you know, like they’re a victim through all of this.

[00:29:19] Alexis: What advice do you have for a parent, maybe your, your parents many years ago, who are keeping a DNA surprise like adoption from their child?

[00:29:31] Daughter Dee: I would say to make sure that you have the necessary support to actually sit down with the child on when to tell them that they were adopted. Because it’s never going to be a good time. You have to create the time. And then not wait till there’s a crisis or someone’s on their deathbed. You know, it’s important for the child to know where they come from, where their roots are. Because it affects them as they move through life. It’s going to affect, it affects all your relationships as you move through life.

[00:30:01] Alexis: that. I like that that there’s, there’s never a good time. You have to create the time.

[00:30:06] Daughter Dee: Right?

[00:30:06] Alexis: I really like that. What advice do you have for someone? Who just uncovered a DNA surprise, like they are adopted or they are an NPE.

[00:30:17] Daughter Dee: I would say, take the time you need to process it. Because it is going to be a process. It could be a shock. Like when you start digging, like I say, there’s skeletons in the closet. And you start digging and looking, you don’t know what you’re going to find. And you have to prepare yourself mentally before you do it.

[00:30:37] Daughter Dee: And then once you find the information, there’s more mindset work you have to do

[00:30:43] Alexis: Mm,

[00:30:43] Daughter Dee: help you deal with what you found. And you can’t do it alone, you have to have support through others that have gone through the same thing that you’ve gone through. And be willing to be brave and seek out that support. That’s important. That’s the only way you’re going to be able to move forward with the information you now have.

[00:31:02] Alexis: Daughter D, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your incredible story. I hope that I see you soon at an upcoming conference somewhere. Um, and just wish you the best of luck as you continue navigating this and using your voice and making connections.

[00:31:21] Daughter Dee: All right. Thank you so much, Alexis, for having me. I appreciate you very much. I look forward to meeting you and seeing you in the future as well.


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