Lisa S’ DNA Surprise

Many of us who have had DNA surprises spend some time wondering “What if?” What if we’d been raised in a different house, with our newly discovered biological parent? What if we’d known the truth from the beginning? What would our lives look like now? Would they be better? Or…would they be worse?

In this week’s episode, Lisa shares how she uncovered her shocking DNA surprise, learning that her biological father is her dad’s best friend. She shares how she’s built beautiful relationships with her newfound family, which has led to her wonder what life would have been like if she’d known them earlier. Ultimately, she reveals why she believes everything it happened as it should.

Thank you for sharing your story, Lisa.

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Episode Transcript

Transcripts are AI-generated and may not reflect the final published episodes.

[00:00:00] Lisa: I think that my mom keeping the secret was probably the best thing she could’ve ever done for all of us. On the other hand, of course, the truth is always the best. But is it really?

[00:00:18] Lisa: My name is Lisa. I am 53 years old, and I am from Oklahoma, a small town in Oklahoma.

 In October, the beginning of October, I took a DNA test. because I didn’t know who I was, but because of the ethnicity. Because all my life, everybody has always asked, what are you? No. Where are you from? My mother was very dark. Her side of the family was very dark.

[00:00:45] Lisa: I even have a great aunt they used to call Coco. And my um, grandparents, my great great grandparents came to Oklahoma during the land run. And so it was always rumored that, you know, they were Native American because of when they came, and they always said they were black Dutch. And There’s, like, a lot of conflicting stories about where the black Dutch comes from, and that’s what a lot of the Native Americans used when they were on the trail of tears to keep from getting killed or whatever. so that was always a question. And it’s something I always wanted to do just to know What we were. I I started on Ancestry about probably 5 or 6 years ago, just looking up, You know, putting names in, and it was really funny to me that my whole life, I knew more about my mom’s side of the family Because we were closer to them, but I found it so much more interesting on my dad’s side. I Finally did the DNA test.

[00:01:44] Lisa: Of course, I got it on the Prime Day cell in July, and it sat on my desk, You know, for 3 months. And then 1 day I, you know, just said, what am I waiting on? Let me just do this. So I did it, And I was so excited when it came back, and, of course, it said 0 percent Native American. And so I sent my brother a Screenshot, and I was like, look.

[00:02:06] Lisa: We’re whiter than we thought we were. You know, we’re white mixed with white.

[00:02:12] Alexis: Yeah.

[00:02:12] Lisa: He called me right away, and he was like, what are you talking about? And I said, well, I did a DNA test. He said, why would you do that? And I said, because I’m nosy. You know? I’ve always been curious about the Native American, you know, the rumors in our family, and I just wanted to be able to Kinda put those to rest. And he said, oh, okay. So what all did you find out?

[00:02:35] Lisa: And so that was, like, 3 o’clock, I think. At, like, 5 20, I got another email or another text message from Ancestry saying you have DNA matches. And so when I clicked on it, I had 2 close matches, and we didn’t recognize either 1 of them.

[00:02:56] Lisa: The top 1 was just initials. But the second 1, it said first cousin, and it had her name, but it wasn’t somebody I recognized. You know, I did my little detective work

[00:03:07] Lisa: and figured out who it was, and everything just kinda fell into place after that.

[00:03:14] Alexis: Now, did you grow up close to your cousins? So when you saw first cousin, you were like, that’s not a first cousin I know.

[00:03:21] Lisa: Yes. And the thing was, I only had 2 first cousins growing up. My dad’s sister had passed away. I was born in April of 19 70. She had passed away in December of 19 69. And so She had 2 daughters, but we didn’t grow up with them because their father raised them, and then he got killed. And so they were raised by the father’s side of the family.

[00:03:50] Lisa: And so when I saw that, the first thing I thought of was my uncle Because my mother’s my mother’s brother because he was a rolling stone.

[00:03:59] Lisa: And so I have a cousin from him now, but here I am 53, and he’s 20. I thought it was somebody coming out of the woodworks for my uncle. But it said My top match, which was only initials, it was managed by the first cousin. When I clicked on the name, I didn’t recognize her. Of course, I looked her up on Facebook. I sent a screenshot to my brother and said, you recognize this person? You know, we have some mutual friends and they’re cousins of ours, so maybe she’s a cousin, you know, that we didn’t know about. And I said, she’s from, you know, our hometown, we have, like, I think, 10 mutual friends that most of them were our cousins. And he said, no. I don’t recognize that. So I went to another website that I use every once in a while for research to look up people. And when you go to this website, you can see their maiden name or all the names that they’ve gone by and then their close relatives, their addresses, and all that. And so the first person that popped up on her close relatives were the initials of the ant. And so when I clicked on her, it took me to her maiden name, which was very familiar to me. It’s 1 of my dad’s best friends, sister, And somebody that I remember from my childhood, but he had passed away also.

[00:05:30] Alexis: Okay. So from doing that That kind of deep dive, looking online, you put the pieces together.

[00:05:38] Alexis: When you identified that person, did it Totally hit you, like, oh, that’s my father, or what were you thinking?

[00:05:48] Lisa: So just to to backtrack a little bit my parents, They got married in 19 65. And my mom, she used to tell me how my dad was He was either drunk or hungover when they got married. He was 4 years older than her. So he was she was 22 or 23 when they got married. So by the time I came along, she was 27 and he was 31, and they had been married for 5 years. It’s really funny because I was born on April 20 ninth, and they their anniversary was April thirtieth. so growing up, My best friend, her parents were 10 years younger than mine. They got married in high school because they had to. And so I would always joke with her and say, yeah. My my dad waited until the day after I was born to marry my mom till he made sure I was his.

[00:06:46] Alexis: Oh, wow.

[00:06:47] Lisa: But, really, in actuality, they had been married for 5 years when I was born. And so, You know, I used to my dad used to and my mom also used to say, yeah.

[00:06:59] Lisa: You know, we had to sell all of our wild oats before we had you. so I always thought that was so admirable. Like, God, I wish I had done that because, you know, I had my first child at 21 and, You know, I definitely hadn’t sown my wild oats. You know? And so I always, thought that was so great, and I always loved their ship.

[00:07:19] Lisa: And they actually gave my brother and I such a high bar as far as relationships and marriage because We never saw them argue. We never saw them I mean, of course, they had disagreements, but we never heard any fighting or arguing or anything. And they just had the perfect marriage, and it made it really hard on us because we had to be find the perfect spouse.

[00:07:42] Lisa: And so, so we grew up in a really good household.

[00:07:45] Lisa: I mean, my mom was good to me. My dad was good to me. He was. They were good to my brother. Of course, I was always daddy’s favorite, and my brother was always mom’s favorite, and we both knew that.

 Our mother, She passed away when we were young.

[00:08:00] Lisa: She had breast cancer, and so she passed away in the early nineties when she was 51 years old. And that was really hard on us. It was really hard on my dad. He wanted to die also. He didn’t wanna continue, I was in the army for 20 years, but I made it my purpose to get stationed back at home in Oklahoma so that I could be with my dad because That’s all we had was each other.

[00:08:28] Alexis: You had really had no suspicions then

[00:08:32] Alexis: growing up because you had this idyllic

[00:08:35] Lisa: Mhmm.

[00:08:36] Alexis: great parents, they were together for a while. Okay.

[00:08:41] Lisa: Yeah, they were just, like, the perfect couple.

[00:08:43] Lisa: So my dad, uh, was so heart broken and everything. I was trying to find he remarried to a lady that was just horrible. In 2016, we found out that my dad, We saw that his health was declining, but we found out that he had been having a bunch of strokes. By 2018, she was gone because she didn’t wanna take care of him. And so they got a divorce, My dad my dad and I were, like, best friends. Sometimes I think we talked about stuff that we probably shouldn’t have as as daughter and, you know, father,

[00:09:18] Lisa: But he had always been there for me. He was always the constant man in my life. When he was going through his divorce, I was trying to be there for him. And he was kind of, moping around, and and I asked him. I’m like, god, what is wrong with you? You know? And he said, well, you know, miss her. And I said, what do you miss about her?

[00:09:37] Lisa: You know, she wasn’t a good person. I understand that you miss the companionship, but what do you really miss about her Specifically. And he said, I don’t know. And I said, you know, you had a good marriage with mom. This wasn’t a good marriage.

[00:09:53] Lisa: You’ve already had a good marriage, and you have good memories with mom. And he said, well, it wasn’t always as great as you thought it was. And I said, why do you say that? And he said, well, she had an affair. And and I said, with who, dad? I mean, she was crazy about you. And he said, well, she had an affair with Phil, and I said, Dad, mom did not want Phil. He was an alcoholic. She didn’t want him. She didn’t even want you until you got a job because because I’ve been told stories about her bringing him job applications.

[00:10:28] Alexis: Yeah.

[00:10:28] Lisa: And um, the first thing I asked him, I said, is Elle, which is my brother, is he his? Because I remember Phil, and I didn’t know how far back their friendship had gone.

[00:10:43] Lisa: I didn’t know that they were friends back in the sixties. But I knew that I remembered him. And if he thought that mom and him had had an affair, why would they still be friends? And why would mom’s best friend and him still be together? So I just assumed that it was later.

[00:11:00] Lisa: He said, oh, no. He’s not his. And I said, okay. Well, why did you stay with mom if you’re so sure that they had an affair?

[00:11:07] Lisa: And he said, because I loved your kids, and I didn’t want anybody else raising my kids. I told my brother, of course, because he didn’t tell things like that to my brother. And I told my brother, And we both just kind of put it away, and I really didn’t think about it. It wasn’t even a thought in my head when I did the DNA test that anything would have come back, but that, you know, he was my dad. And so when it came back, I was actually on the phone with my brother when we figured out who it was, who the initials were. And I said, that’s Phil’s sister. And he said, I guess daddy wasn’t as crazy as you thought he was.

[00:11:50] Alexis: Wow.

[00:11:52] Lisa: And

[00:11:52] Alexis: I think it’s so interesting how We see these little signs or, you know, looking back it’s like, uh, of course, but we put it away and then it comes back when we get these surprises. So how are you feeling when you realize this with your brother?

[00:12:10] Lisa: Of course, he said what everybody says, But, Lee, dad’s still your dad. And I was like about dad. This isn’t even about Me or you. This is about mom. And I told him When I got pregnant with my first child, my mom was really hard on me to the point that she kind of questioned, was it even my husband’s? And in fact, I had never even told my dad until, I think, the day or 2 after my mom passed away. I told my dad, and he said, you know your mom was sick. And now that I look back, I understand. She was sick. Because she had never said anything like that to me In my life, she’d never talked to me like that. She had never questioned anything that I had ever done.

[00:12:59] Lisa: You know? She was always proud of me.

[00:13:01] Lisa: But, um, but that was My problem at first was that, you know, how dare she? What a hypocrite. I mean, I was Furious at first, you know, um, as I think we all are.

[00:13:15] Lisa: But now that I look back and I kind of have perspective, I kinda look at it like She did the best thing for her and for me, because he died in 19 78. There’s no telling what would have happened if My dad had known that I wasn’t his. Although, maybe he did

[00:13:36] Lisa: know.

[00:13:36] Alexis: I was gonna say is, do

[00:13:37] Alexis: you

[00:13:38] Lisa: I will never know. Yeah. I’ll I’ll never know.

[00:13:41] Lisa: So, my dad’s best friend, Phil, I remember him. He used to date my mom’s best friend. And so I have all these memories going back to childhood, and there’s not that many like, When I found out who he was and that he could possibly be my biological or that he was my biological father, could see him, but I couldn’t see his face.

[00:14:09] Alexis: Mhmm.

[00:14:11] Lisa: I Had these memories flashing back into my memory, Like, stuff that you store away. And I always knew that he cared about me. I have I’ve I’ve pulled them out earlier. I have a collection of silver dollars that he gave me. Every birthday, he would give me a silver dollar until he died. I have 13, so I don’t know if he gave them them to me at other holidays or events.

[00:14:38] Lisa: But He died in 19 78, and he was an alcoholic. And I I do remember that. I remember being out the at the liquor store With him and my dad. And I don’t know if I remember this or if or if my dad had told me the story,

[00:14:55] Alexis: Yeah.

[00:14:57] Lisa: I can remember or I’ve been told that he would put me up on the counter and let me go pick a bottle. yeah, he was real special.

[00:15:07] Lisa: After I talked to my brother that day when I first found out, the next person I called was my mom’s best friend. And I called her, and I said I just got I took a DNA test, and I just got my results. And it shows that my aunt I’ll just say k, her first initial. I said, Shows that Kaye is my aunt. So did you know that Phil was my biological father? And she just started crying.

[00:15:37] Lisa: She was like, Lisa, I’m so sorry. And I said, so you knew? And she said, no. I didn’t know. She said, I knew that something had happened, but I never wanted to know how far it had gone.

[00:15:50] Lisa: She said, I always saw their chemistry. She said, he was so much fun. And she said, he was the life of the party. She said, we were so young. You know, we were in our twenties. And She said, you know, your dad worked nights a lot, so your mom would go out with me and him, and we would go dancing and stuff. And she said, They would end up dancing, and I would be sitting over there like the third wheel. And she said, you could just see the chemistry that they had. And she said, I always felt like such a schmuck. Like, why are you still with him when you know that he wants her? and and so since then, we’ve talked, you know, and she told me, you know, that my mom confessed. But, Again, she didn’t say how far it had gone. She was just basically saying, oh my gosh. I love my husband. I I don’t know why I’ve gotten myself into this and and so forth. And so, like, I mean, I told her that day, my mom’s best friend, that I can remember being at her house with the 2 of them. And I said, I remember you and Phil taking me to the pool. And she said, you remember that? And I said, yes. I do. I can remember feeling really awkward because y’all were in the back. Like, I don’t know what they were doing, changing or whatever, and I was thinking, like, I can’t believe she’s changing in front of Phil you know, because I was young. And and I and I said, I remember y’all took me to the pool. And she said, no, Lisa. He took you to the pool.

[00:17:25] Lisa: I didn’t go. And I said, that’s so weird to me. I mean, nowadays, it’s weird. I guess back then it wasn’t because he was daddy’s best friend.

[00:17:34] Alexis: Yeah.

[00:17:36] Lisa: And she said, yeah. Something happened. Something came up, and I couldn’t go. So he just took you to the pool. And I just I thought that was so weird.

[00:17:43] Lisa: You

[00:17:44] Alexis: So there’s questions maybe of did he know?

[00:17:47] Lisa: And oh, well, I have found out that he he told his sister. She said that she just told me this probably about a month or so ago that he called her drunk, that he would call her Every once in a while, drunk and just talk, you know, about whatever. And in 1 of those drunken conversations that he had told her, You know, I think Lisa’s mine. And she said she really didn’t think anything of it because he was always calling on these rants or whatever.

[00:18:15] Lisa: You know? And she say, you know, I really didn’t think about it until now. I had to search my memory.

[00:18:22] Lisa: So the next day um, was kind of a blur, But because my first cousin and I had so many mutual friends, I felt like I needed to get ahead of it.

[00:18:34] Lisa: Even though I was feeling mad at my mom, I still had a lot of respect for her, and I didn’t want for my cousin to get the information the way I did and say, okay. Who is this? And to reach out to our mutual friends, which much most of them were my cousins on my mom’s side. Like, they were all her first my mom’s first cousins.

[00:18:57] Alexis: Mhmm.

[00:18:58] Lisa: And so I text my brother, and I said, I’m gonna text her you know, I’m gonna call her.

[00:19:04] Lisa: So they own a pretty prominent business in our hometown and are very easy to find. I remember the family growing up, I knew that my mom was friends with her, but not close. And I remember Her mother, which is now my biological grandmother, I remember her. I remember my mom, you know, speaking very fondly of them.

[00:19:30] Lisa: She respected them, but I don’t remember being around them. When I called my cousin I was I’m very matter of fact because the I think that’s the military in me. And I told her who I was, and I said my name is Lisa. I matched with you on AncestryDNA as a first cousin, and I’m pretty sure that Phil is my biological father. And I said, I don’t want anything from you. I wasn’t looking for family. I have family, but this is what I found. And she said, hold on a second. My uncle Phil? And I said, yes. And she said, Lisa, can I call you back? I am in the grocery store, I need to get my thoughts together real fast.

[00:20:18] Lisa: Let me call you when I get in the car. And I said, okay. And when I hung up, I thought I’ll never hear from her again. That’s that’s it. You know? Within 10 minutes, she called back, and she was crying. I was crying. I mean, it was it was like It was almost like I found a sister that I’ve never had. You know? I have always you know, I think because I lost my mother at such a young age. I have always kind of yearned for that female figure in my life. Both of my grandmothers died at 62. My mother died at 51. So by the time I was 24. I had no females. My uncle, like I said, he was kind of a rolling stone, so he had girlfriends here and there. He was married when I was a young, A teenager, and they got a divorce, and we never saw her again. So females in my life, you know, I’ve never had that. And so, to talk to somebody and be and feel like there’s no judgment or anything was just amazing, and we just connected.\ It was almost like we had grown up together. We would talk. We would cry. I mean, she said her mother is 87 years old. She’s 65. You know, I didn’t wanna burden her mother with this. didn’t even know if she would wanna have anything to do with me because, I mean, she’s 87 years old. Most elderly like that or like, I don’t care about other you know, I don’t need any more family, which I didn’t either. You know? And and that’s what I told her.

[00:21:58] Lisa: I said, listen. I wasn’t looking for family. The next day, I called her back, and I said, You know, it just hit me that I’ve always been getting screened for diabetes because my dad was diabetic. His mother was diabetic. Both of my female cousins on his side are diabetic. 1 just recently passed away from it. Like, within a month of me finding out, She passed away from diabetes. And so I said, what is my medical history now? You know? And she said, Nothing. Just addiction. And she said, everybody is pretty healthy on our side. She started saying my grandma, and then she said, well, I’ve never had to share. So our grandma and I said, no.

[00:22:47] Lisa: She is your grandma because I had my grandparents, you know.

[00:22:51] Lisa: Those are still your those are still your grandparents, you

[00:22:55] Alexis: yeah. So Phil never had any other children before he died.

[00:23:00] Lisa: Not that we know of. And he was 39 when he died?

[00:23:04] Alexis: Okay.

[00:23:05] Lisa: And so, I keep checking to think I keep wondering, like, okay. Are we gonna find somebody else? Not not that I want to, but it would be nice. I mean, I love my brother, and we get along great.

[00:23:19] Lisa: We always have. But Now that I’ve seen, like, how they are I mean, they they have asked me, like, Lisa, are you sure that he isn’t Phil’s also. And I’m like, I don’t know. I mean, maybe my dad couldn’t have kids. I don’t know.

[00:23:38] Lisa: But, Also, I don’t want my brother to feel the way that I do.

[00:23:45] Alexis: Okay.

[00:23:46] Lisa: even though they’re great people, It’s still hard. Like, my you know, our lives will never be the same.

[00:23:52] Alexis: Has your brother wondered at all when you’ve talked to

[00:23:56] Lisa: Well, he tells me that he doesn’t, but his wife told me that he did you know, initially, he said, Maybe I’m not even dads either. You know?

[00:24:06] Lisa: But he said, I don’t ever wanna find out. I don’t ever wanna do a DNA test, and and I can respect that. I mean, even when I told him I did it, he was like, why would you do

[00:24:16] Lisa: that? You

[00:24:17] Alexis: Yeah. Yeah. So you mentioned you’ve seen how that family is.

[00:24:22] Alexis: Who all have you connected with on Phil’s side?

[00:24:26] Lisa: So, probably within 2 weeks.

[00:24:28] Lisa: So my cousin, she talked to her mom and asked her, like, did you know and told her what happened that I had matched with them on Ancestry for DNA. And her mom, you know, she’s older, but she’s still really, Really with it. I mean, she’s very healthy. She still volunteers at the hospital weekly. Plays bridge all the time.

[00:24:53] Lisa: I mean, she’s just really spunky. And so, um, she She said, well, now that you say something, I think I remember that that I think I know that they had a little fling, But she thought it was just a 1 time thing. And so, you know, my cousin and I talked about it, and she said, Lisa, do you think it was a 1 time thing? And I said, no. I don’t I don’t think it was a 1 time thing.

[00:25:20] Lisa: But, you know, if that’s what she wants to think, that’s fine, You

[00:25:24] Lisa: know? Because it doesn’t matter now, and we’ll never know because, you know, my mom my dad passed away in 20 20, and that was another thing I missed. I forgot to say that he did pass away in 20 20. And so it’s like everything kinda happens when it’s supposed to. You know?

[00:25:41] Lisa: Because If I had found out about all this when my dad was still alive, it would have been really hard to keep from him. And if I had told him, it would It broke his heart. And I don’t know. Maybe he would have said, yeah. I’ve known it all along.

[00:25:56] Lisa: I I don’t know. But I just think that everything happens when it’s supposed to happen.

[00:26:00] Alexis: It’s interesting because he did know About the affair.

[00:26:04] Alexis: So it’s like, did he suspect or did he not? And like you said, you you may Never have those answers.

[00:26:11] Lisa: No.

[00:26:12] Alexis: Do you have any questions for your mom that you wish you could ask her or do you not go down that road?

[00:26:19] Lisa: I really don’t go down that road because, like I said, I think that And I mean, I know a lot of people’s situation is different, and their childhoods were different and everything. But I think you know? And even My cousin, the second day, she said she was like, Lisa, I’ve had time to think about this, and I just want she said, I remember your parents, And you had the best parents. She said they were so great. And she said, if your mom had gotten with my uncle, You because what I hadn’t mentioned was that their dad, not my cousin, but Phil and my aunt.

[00:26:58] Lisa: Their dad was also an alcoholic. And so she said, if your mom had gotten with my uncle, You would have been messed up just like my mom was being raised by an alcoholic father. And she said, and then my parents got a divorce when I was 18, and it messed me up. She said, you’re so lucky that your parents stayed together. And she said, I know they were good parents because I remember them. And she’s she’s 65, so she’s 12 years older than me.

[00:27:26] Lisa: And so about 2 weeks, I think, after we found out, her and I met for lunch, And it was so nice. I mean, 1 thing growing up, the only thing I did ever wonder was because My mom had really dark features. She had dark hair, dark eyes. My dad had dark hair, but he had blue eyes. And my brother has blue eyes. And here I am green eyed and my hair is not naturally this Color is brown, but it’s actually gray now. So

[00:28:00] Alexis: I was gonna say your hair is gorgeous. Like, it is

[00:28:03] Lisa: thank you. Thank you. But now my hair was more of a reddish brown, and so I always and my brother is more Blondish brown with blue eyes. And so I always thought, man, if I had blue eyes, I would really be it. You know? Because I thought he always had the most beautiful blue eyes, and my dad did too. And I was like, why did I get these? Because growing up, they were more brownish green.

[00:28:31] Lisa: So I’m like, why did I get this color of eyes? If I had blue eyes, you know, you wouldn’t be able to tell me

[00:28:37] Alexis: Yep.

[00:28:37] Lisa: know? And it kind of clicked that day when we were eating lunch. My cousin, she said, We were sitting across from each other just looking at each other, and she said, Lisa, what color eyes does your brother have?

[00:28:50] Lisa: And I said, he has blue eyes like daddy. And she said, and you have green eyes like me. And we just I was like, yeah. I do. Because Phil was Redheaded, green eyed, and all of them are very fair redhead, green eyes.

[00:29:09] Lisa: You know?

[00:29:10] Lisa: And Once I looked at pictures, she sent me pictures because I said, can you send me some pictures? Because I remember how he looks, but I don’t remember his face. And once she sent them to me, I was like, oh my god. How did they not know? Because although I mean, you can I look like my dad? I look like him. And I have a picture, like, when I was probably 8 or 9 months old, and I just look Red. When I get nervous or anything, my face turns red. When I get hot, my face turns red.

[00:29:49] Lisa: Everything turns red, and That’s him right there. You know?

[00:29:55] Lisa: And things have Just over the last 6 months, more and more things have come out. You know? Then right after Christmas so I u at the time, I was using MyHeritage for my family tree. And so I uploaded my DNA into my heritage, and I matched with another aunt.

[00:30:18] Lisa: And so I called my cousin, and I’m like, who is this? And she said, I don’t know, but I’m gonna ask mom. She said, you know, grandpa was a Rolling Stone, and he was the life of the party too just like uncle Phil. And I said no. Because at that point, I had met her. She hadn’t expressed that she wanted to meet me. And I said, I don’t want her thinking, Oh, lord. Here she comes, and she’s stirring shit. You

[00:30:44] Alexis: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:30:45] Lisa: not even in the family, and she’s stirring up all this drama.

[00:30:48] Lisa: So I was like, no. I’ll figure it out. Don’t ask your mom about anything. I don’t wanna upset her. And she said, no, Lisa.

[00:30:55] Lisa: She’s okay. She said, in fact, I hadn’t told you. She said, because we were all busy with Christmas and everything. She said, but, you know, the other day, mom said, I think I’m ready to meet Lisa. And and I said, really?

[00:31:09] Lisa: Are you sure? And she said, yeah. She said, you know, she’s had time to think about it. She said, in fact, she was telling me, you know, I probably got some siblings out there because my dad was out, you know, doing whatever too. You know?

[00:31:22] Lisa: He was an alcoholic, and he was the life of the party. He was, like, always gone on business trips or what have you. And so she asked her dad her mom who this woman was, and she said, I don’t know. And it was not a name that we’re any of us were familiar with. This lady she grew up more upstate Oklahoma, and we’re in the southwest. And so We never even explored the fact that it could have been my grandpa on my mom’s side. We just automatically assumed that it was on that side. And so,

[00:32:00] Alexis: Oh.

[00:32:00] Lisa: In trying to figure it out I reached out to her, but The person that managed her DNA was her sister’s husband. And so he contacted me, he said that he said, yes. They found out a few years ago, probably about 4 years ago, that they were only half siblings, half sisters, her and her sister. And he it was almost like he was screening me to make sure, and I said, you know, I’m in the same situation. I just found out, you know, that My brother is my half sibling, and this is what led me to you to her. You know? And so, So my cousin, I said, I think you need to upload your DNA into my heritage. And so it’s funny because We just automatically trust each other. So she’s like, Lisa, I don’t know how to do that. So here’s my username and password and to both sides. So you just go in there and do what you need to

[00:33:00] Lisa: do.

[00:33:00] Lisa: And I said, okay. Be between that time, I’m trying to figure out how how we’re related. And when I finally talked to her, to my new

[00:33:13] Lisa: new aunt She told me she said it’s so weird because my mom was 20 when she had me, and this man would have been almost 40. And so it didn’t even dawn on me until I got off the phone with her. I looked at I looked at all the dates, and my my maternal grandfather, He would have been 21. And so I called my cousin, and I said, do not say anything to your mom. Don’t say anything until you match with her because this could be my papa’s long lost daughter. Because if my mom did it, he coulda done it too. I mean, I don’t put it past anybody now. You know?

[00:33:56] Lisa: And so, I stayed up all night 1 night doing the through lines. Well, I was matching with people in my dad’s because I hadn’t changed my biological father to Phil. I still have my dad. I was matching with people through him because my, I think it’s, like, fifth great grandfather Has the same last name as Phil. So he was kin we’re kinned all,

[00:34:26] Lisa: you know, to every side. And so because all of our families came to Oklahoma in the 18 fifties, and, like, my dad’s dad had, like, 10 siblings. And then Phil’s dad had, like, 12 siblings, and so all of our trees Cross. All the branches cross at

[00:34:49] Alexis: Right. So your Ray’s dad and Phil were related. They just didn’t

[00:34:53] Alexis: know it, maybe.

[00:34:54] Lisa: Yes.

[00:34:55] Lisa: Like, fourth or fifth cousins. Yeah. And so I stayed up till, like, 4 30 AM trying to figure it out, and it was driving me crazy. And so the next morning, that’s when I told my cousin. I said, you’ve gotta upload your DNA.

[00:35:09] Lisa: And I’m not logging on to either 1 of these sites until we get your results because this is gonna drive me crazy. You know, you go down that rabbit hole and you can’t get out. And so, she that’s when she agreed to do it. Well, then she matched with her, but Her mom still didn’t really understand it. And then even she was like, well, what if this is uncle Phil’s love child or something from when he was, like, 17 and the girl was 19. And I said, it would have been a stronger DNA match than me and you,

[00:35:45] Lisa: And it’s not. You know? It’s a little bit lower than you because she’s a half aunt. You know? And so what we had to do was upload my aunt’s DNA, And then they matched. And so, it’s just it’s like I went from Not having any females in my life to my cousin, the 2 aunts. Now The 1 the half aunt, she’s not as open

[00:36:14] Lisa: as my aunt is Now

[00:36:15] Alexis: is the new this is

[00:36:16] Alexis: the new new the new new aunt isn’t as open.

[00:36:19] Alexis: Okay. Okay.

[00:36:21] Lisa: Yeah. So, my aunt, Kaye, I met her the first week of January, And we met at the same Mexican restaurant that my cousin and I met at, and we all I said I think I’m gonna have a beer. And she said, I think I am too. We all had a beer at lunch. We all ate the same thing. Whatever I I order, they order. They’re like, we all have the same taste in foods. So whatever you like, we’ll like. aunt, she came to me, grabbed my face, and was like, oh my gosh. I’ve always wanted to have a niece.

[00:37:03] Lisa: I’ve never had a niece. I’ve always wanted to be an aunt, but I never have, you know, except for through her husband.

[00:37:10] Lisa: I feel bad because, I guess, my aunt and my other aunt, They’ve spoken once, but they just I mean and my new new aunt, she told me, like, I feel no connection to them because I don’t know them. I’ve never known them. I don’t know who he was. You know?

[00:37:29] Lisa: And I can understand that because I don’t feel any more connected to Phil. Now I feel connected to my cousin and my aunt because they’re still here, but I don’t feel like he was my dad.

[00:37:42] Alexis: Yeah.

[00:37:43] Lisa: And and there’s been a couple of times, like, my cousin gave me some pictures of him, and she said, here’s your daddy. And I was just like, oh, okay.

[00:37:55] Lisa: You

[00:37:55] Alexis: sit right. Yeah.

[00:37:57] Lisa: yeah, that’s not my daddy. But I took the pictures because 1 day I may want them. Right now, I don’t know what I I mean, They’re put away in a safe place. But at the time when she gave them to me, it

[00:38:12] Lisa: was just too soon. You know? And so so

[00:38:16] Lisa: Yeah.

[00:38:17] Lisa: it’s been, like, just figuring out all of our little quirks and stuff. I mean, I was talking to my aunt the other day, and I was I had on my headphones, and I was going throughout the house. And I hadn’t talked to her in probably a week. And when I called, she said, I feel like I’m having withdrawals. Like, we haven’t talked. And she said, I’m when I call, you know, the picture comes up for the iPhone, and she’ll say, I just love seeing your beautiful face when you call. I just can’t get over it. I can’t believe that you’re my niece. And it’s just so special. And, I mean, She is just the nicest person. They all are. I couldn’t ask for a better family. Of course, you know, at first, when I first met her, I was like, well, I wasn’t trying to find y’all. You

[00:39:01] Lisa: know? I think I was kind of, Uh, defensive because I didn’t know what to expect. I have listened to so many podcasts and heard so many people’s stories to where I was just kind of expecting the worst, and it just turned out to be the best. You

[00:39:17] Alexis: That’s really great. So you kind of explained the what ifs for you, which is something that a lot of people who have DNA surprises think about. Right? Like, the what if what if what if you’d been raised by Phil? What if you grew up in that family? And it sounds like you don’t really have any regrets in terms of that because you’re very happy with the family that you had.

[00:39:39] Alexis: I’m curious if your perception of your parents has changed in any way just because it sounds like you had you kinda had them on such a pedestal of such this perfect relationship, and they were perfect parents. And, obviously, they sound like wonderful people, so I don’t mean It in any sort of negative

[00:39:56] Alexis: way, but did it did it kinda change how you thought of them, or did you look at them in a new light?

[00:40:04] Lisa: it did.

[00:40:05] Lisa: I mean, I think now I have so much respect for my dad and I do still respect my mom. But I know now that she was human. I mean, they’re human. I can’t say I mean, I’ve got 3 kids, and I know exactly who their fathers are.

[00:40:26] Lisa: I can’t ever say that I’ve been there in that situation. But, I mean, I think given the situation, I think she made the best choice possible for us. I mean, Yes. I wanna tell everybody that this happened and because I don’t wanna be the secret. But on the other hand, I don’t tell everybody because I do still re respect my parents, And I don’t want anybody to ever think, like, oh, I don’t know. I don’t I really don’t want people to think less of either 1 of them.

[00:41:05] Alexis: Has the way that you’ve thought about raising your children or the way that you take care of yourself changed it all in light of the new medical information? So now you know you don’t maybe have to worry as much about Diabetes and some of those things, but then addiction is now a factor in your medical

[00:41:22] Lisa: Well and and I do have a son that fights addiction and from both sides of the family. And so, yeah. I mean, a year ago, I went to the doctor, and I had put on a bunch of weight from menopause and life, you know, pandemic, whatever, and just aging. And I asked my doctor. I said, can you put me on Ozempic? And he was like, Lisa, you are not prediabetic. You had me check it Every year, and you’re not. And I said, I have to be.

[00:41:52] Lisa: My dad had it. My grandmother had it. My cousins have it. There’s no way I can’t have it. And so when I found this out, I was just kinda laughing like, okay, God.

[00:42:02] Lisa: You got me.

[00:42:03] Lisa: You know?

[00:42:04] Alexis: yeah, kind of a relief in some ways. Yeah,

[00:42:07] Lisa: Yes. And to see, like, I always felt like I don’t know how many years I’m gonna be on this earth.

[00:42:14] Lisa: You know, my grandmother’s both died at 62, my mom at 51. I mean, when I turned 52, it was A big deal to me. You know? And now I look at my aunt. You know?

[00:42:25] Lisa: She’s 87, still driving, and, Still going everywhere. The other day when she called me, I said, yeah. I’m in the house So I’m doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

[00:42:34] Lisa: And she said, are you a piddler? And I said, I had never heard of it that way. And I said, What do you mean? She said, you know, you always have something to do. You’re always doing something. And I said, yes. I am. She said, yep. Your cousin is too. She said, it’s so funny, all these little quirks, you know, that we find out we’re so much alike.

[00:42:54] Alexis: Oh, that’s so funny.

[00:42:56] Lisa: My cousin we both have pools. We both love to just get out in the pool and float. You know?

[00:43:00] Lisa: And and it’s funny. We were talking 1 day, and My cousin, she says yeah.

[00:43:07] Lisa: When we first put our pool in, we thought it would be good for mom and her husband because, You know, they’re getting older, and it’d be good for exercise. She said, but she doesn’t like getting in it because she’s scared of the water. And I said, you know, my dad was Scared of the water. He would never get in the water. We had a boat growing up because he knew that we loved us to water ski, but we could never He would get out on out on the side of the boat that we weren’t on, and we couldn’t come near him because he didn’t wanna get his face wet. And she said, oh my gosh, Lisa. I remember being a kid on a boat with my uncle and my parents And your mom and dad and you. And it’s like all these memories, you know, keep coming back.

[00:43:53] Lisa: And she said, I remember that. She said, I’m gonna have to ask my dad about it. She asked her dad, and he couldn’t remember. But he did remember we went over there for Memorial weekend, And he told me he said Phil told me that that you were his.

[00:44:10] Alexis: So he told multiple people.

[00:44:12] Lisa: Mhmm. Yeah.

[00:44:14] Lisa: He did.

[00:44:14] Alexis: How do you feel knowing that he knew?

[00:44:20] Lisa: I mean, I always felt like he loved me because he would give me the silver dollars and stuff, and now I understand why.

[00:44:28] Alexis: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:44:30] Lisa: You know? He had this is funny too. I forgot to say about this, but He was married.

[00:44:35] Lisa: He got married to this lady, and she was a hairdresser. And in 2018, I got a friend request from her on Facebook. And we exchanged a couple of messages on Messenger, And I told her she said, oh my gosh. You know, you look just like your mother. I remember y’all. And I said, yeah. I remember you too. I said, you know, I still have my silver dollars from Phil, and She never responded. I mean, I don’t know what happened. And, actually, she’s 80 years old, so I found out that she has, like, Multiple Facebook accounts because I

[00:45:15] Lisa: guess, you know, I don’t know if she gets hacked or she forgets a password or whatever. So I had tried to contact her because I really thought, well, if somebody knew, she would know.

[00:45:25] Alexis: Yeah.

[00:45:26] Lisa: But now I don’t think that’s that’s probably a good idea.

[00:45:29] Lisa: So it’s probably not a good idea I asked her because her daughter actually took his name, and that’s supposedly, you know, his daughter. And I don’t want I don’t want her to think that I’m trying to take, you know, take anything that I mean, there’s nothing to get, but you know what I mean? I don’t

[00:45:47] Lisa: want her to ever think that I’m Saying, oh, no.

[00:45:50] Lisa: I’m his daughter. You know? Because I’m not I mean, I am biologically, but not Emotionally or anything like that. You

[00:46:01] Lisa: know, my emotions are still with my dad.

[00:46:03] Alexis: Yes, so speaking of your emotions, how would you say that this Whole thing, this DNA surprise, has affected you.

[00:46:13] Lisa: Some days, I’m good.

[00:46:14] Lisa: Some days, I can listen I listen to your podcast, and there’s a couple of

[00:46:18] Lisa: others that I listened to them, and they they really helped me through it. That was the first thing I did probably the day after. The day after I found out, I was in tears all day. I mean, my brother text me, and he was like, oh my gosh. I couldn’t sleep all night.

[00:46:36] Lisa: Are you okay? And I said, you know, I think it finally just hit me today, so I’ve been in tears all day long. But since then, I mean, I still get emotional every I’m I’m emotional anyway. I don’t know. It just hits me out of the blue sometimes.

[00:46:54] Alexis: Mhmm.

[00:46:55] Lisa: You know, since

[00:46:56] Lisa: losing my dad in 20 20, it has been really hard because he’s always been my rock. And so now, You know, to have and then my uncle, my mom’s brother, he had passed away in 2019. So, like, The first thing I wanted to do after I found out, I called his his widow and my uncles, And I’m like, oh, I wish he was here. Why isn’t he here so I can talk to him about this? You

[00:47:25] Lisa: know? And so I went over and, like, vented to her, and she was like, You should be glad that your uncle’s not here because he would be mad at your mom because he loved your dad. You know?

[00:47:36] Lisa: And he always, you know, he took care of my dad. He He would always come over to the house after after we had to move my dad out and check on things when we’ve never even asked him to. He would call me and my brother and be like, Oh, there was a water leak at the house, you know, but I fixed it. So he was just he was really great. And so Now I don’t have my dad and my uncle, but I have my aunt and my cousin. You know? And so, You know, God knows what we need when we need it.

[00:48:08] Alexis: What advice do you have for a parent Who’s keeping a DNA surprise from their child?

[00:48:15] Lisa: Well, I mean, the truth is always gonna come out. What happens in the dark is always gonna come to light. But I think it just depends on the situation. I mean, in my case, He was an alcoholic. I mean, he died when I was 8. It just depends. I think if my dad was a different person, I would have said, oh, yeah. Tell the truth. But in in my case, and every case is different sometimes we just have to Use our use what God gave us and, you know, what we know, And give our moms a little bit of grace. You know?

[00:48:56] Lisa: Because sometimes we may not understand it, but they think they’re doing what’s best for us.

[00:49:03] Alexis: And what advice do you have for someone who just discovered they’re an NPE?

[00:49:07] Lisa: Oh, Just to do do what’s best for you. Listen to the podcast. I mean, I never even knew there was a name for the MPE. The first thing I did, you know, after the shock wore off was I went on Facebook and started looking at DNA discoveries, DNA surprises, you know, and I came up to the 1 of the MPE groups. And then it led me to the your podcast. And And that’s what helped me through it to say to see, like, uh, you’re not special. You’re not unique. You know? This is not something that just happened to you. We’re actually probably the majority and not the minority. You know?

[00:49:50] Lisa: And like I said, everything happened when it was supposed to with me.

[00:49:54] Alexis: Lisa, thank you so much for coming on the podcast

[00:49:58] Alexis: and sharing your perspective. I think you have such a beautiful perspective on the timing of things, and you have such compassion for all of the adults involved in this situation. I’m so glad

[00:50:10] Alexis: that you’ve been able to make the most of it and forge these really beautiful relationships, and I hope they continue to grow.

[00:50:18] Lisa: I hope they do too, especially with my new new aunt.

[00:50:22] Alexis: Yes,

[00:50:22] Alexis: you’re new

[00:50:23] Alexis: new.

[00:50:24] Lisa: I had a lot of unanswered questions since my biological father, my mom, and my dad, who is the man who raised me, since they were all deceased, so I didn’t ever, you know, I didn’t know if my mom knew, if my dad knew, um, or if any of them knew. You know, if they were, if it was really a secret.

[00:50:50] Lisa: And so I have found out since, uh, recording that I don’t think my mom told anybody but him, but she did tell him, but he told everybody.

[00:51:04] Lisa: Yes. So his widow, they were only married for the four years before he passed away. He passed away in 1978. So they got married in 74 when I was four years old. And so in 2018, I got a friend request from her out of the blue. I mean, I haven’t had any contact with this lady since I was a kid and I remember her.

 And I mentioned to her because he had given me all the silver dollars. Not knowing, you know, cause this was in 2018 and I, I didn’t find out until 2022 and she didn’t really say much.

[00:51:43] Lisa: And so I didn’t want to make her mad by asking her questions, but I felt like she had the answers that I probably needed because, husband and wives, they talk different than a husband and a

[00:51:56] Lisa: sister.

[00:51:57] Lisa: My aunt, she said, Oh, you know, he mentioned one time that he thought you were his, but he was drunk. So I really didn’t take it seriously because he would call me, you know, and drunken rants late at night and stuff. With his widow, I just felt like she probably had the answers, but I didn’t really want to make her mad because what if she didn’t know, and I can remember being at her house when I was young.

[00:52:24] Lisa: Finally in October, just a few months ago, I called her because I said, you know what, she’s, she’s not my blood. So if she gets mad, oh, well, but I have to know the answers, I said, you know, I want to ask you a question But I don’t want you to get upset with me and I don’t want to hurt you because she’s 80 She’s 81 now and I said so but I have got to have the answers and she said, okay And I said, um, you know, I found out that, Phil, said he’s my biological father.

[00:53:00] Lisa: Did you know? And she said, oh yes, yes, I always knew. And I never, I never held anything against your mother. I always loved your mother because that was over with before me and him got together.

[00:53:15] Lisa: you know, it was almost like I went through a whole nother grieving process,

[00:53:22] Lisa: because then she went on to tell me, Oh yeah, you know, your dad used to work night shift. They would be together all the time while your dad was on night shift. And I said, well, how long do you think it lasted? And she said, oh it lasted years. And so, it just kind of, I was like, wow. So my dad was at 12 hour night shifts. And she was not just like sneaking away to have an affair. She was really, like, they were really together. And I truly believed that they were probably in love. You know, or lust. I don’t know, but I think, I think that they probably were. They were spending full nights

[00:54:05] Lisa: together. Yeah, and I still do. It was just hard for about a week after that. You know, I, my brother texted me and he was like, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, you know, I just got some bad news. I finally got a chance to talk to his widow and, you know, come to find out. Mom did know. She knew for sure that I was his.

[00:54:33] Lisa: I asked her, how did he know that I was his? And she said, because your mom told him. And I said, well, what about my dad? And she said, Oh no. She said, that was what was so hard for him because she said he wanted to be a part of your life and he wanted to do so much for you because he didn’t have any biological children.

[00:54:56] Lisa: But he couldn’t because he was afraid that your dad would kill him. And I was like, I could see that because my dad was pretty crazy back then, you know, back in the day. And I’m sure that he would want to protect his relationship, you know. And that was one of his best friends. I mean, I have his obituary.

[00:55:18] Lisa: My aunt gave me a whole box full of all of his stuff, like all of his childhood pictures and his obituary and all that. And my dad is the first person listed as the pallbearers, so that was kind of hard. You know, all I remember was that he was an alcoholic, but I sat there, we talked for like two and a half, three hours.

[00:55:38] Lisa: I went and had lunch with her and she just told me, you know, like how great of a person he was and he was just so nice and everybody loved him and he was a gentleman. And that’s the thing, like all, everybody that I know that I’ve talked to, they’ve all spoken so highly of him. I’ve had certain memories come back, when I was, I don’t know how old I was.

[00:56:01] Lisa: I don’t even have anybody to ask how old I was, but I had to have surgery because I had had like really high temperatures when I was a baby and it was going to rot my teeth. They weren’t rotted, but it was, they thought it was going to. And so they had to go in. I was in the hospital for like, I think two nights.

[00:56:20] Lisa: And I remember this. I remember that he brought me candy, and they were all laughing because they were like, he has no kids, so he doesn’t understand that you’re in, in the hospital having surgery for your teeth. And he brought me a box of candy, Yes,

[00:56:53] Lisa: that’s all I remembered. Yes. Yeah. And you know, my cousin, we’ve had a few of those moments, you know, I don’t know if I told you she. We found out that our grandmother, our biological grandmother, she was the one that rented us our house she was our landlord. I was talking about when I was born that we lived on South 10th Street in our hometown. And one of the cousins, she said, Wait, didn’t aunt such and such, didn’t she own a house over there on South 10th?

[00:57:25] Lisa: And I had taken a picture of the house because me and my daughter went through there and I took her by there and I said, this is where I lived, you know, when I was born until grandma and grandpa built their house. And so I took a picture of the house. So I pulled up my phone and I said, here’s the house.

[00:57:41] Lisa: And they were like, yeah, that’s her house. So she was, she was written to my

[00:57:45] Lisa: parents

[00:57:46] Lisa: So Come to find out

[00:57:55] Lisa: on Memorial Weekend, I went over and, me and my daughter, and we, we, they had a big, uh, barbecue at my cousin’s house. And my, aunt and her husband, they live, it’s kind of a family compound, and so, My cousin, her dad came over

[00:58:12] Lisa: he’s about to be 90. And he came up and told me, he said, yeah, Phil told me that. And my aunt said, well, when did he tell you that? I didn’t know that. And he said, well, there’s a lot of stuff that we talked about that you didn’t know about. He said we would be out fixing fence on the farm and, and he would tell me all kinds of stuff.

[00:58:34] Lisa: When we left, this is a, a big thing, when we left, my daughter said, Mom, they are so nice. Like, it’s almost as if they’re acting, they’re so nice. She said, I feel closer to them than I feel to our family that we’re around all the time.

[00:58:51] Lisa: And so, uh, Fourth of July weekend. My husband went with us. So me and my daughter and my husband went over there and him and my cousin’s husband, they just hit it off. They’re like two school boys together, always talking about sports and golf and whatever. And so when we left there, my husband said.

[00:59:12] Lisa: They’re just too damn nice. I mean, they’re just so genuinely nice. And I said, I know, I told y’all that, you know. And my daughter said the same thing. And so, in August, my daughter’s birthday comes around and I said, well, what do you want to do for your birthday? She said, I just want to go out to eat.

[00:59:30] Lisa: I want Aunt Kay, Aunt Cheryl, all the whole family to come. I want all my new family to come. And so they all came over here where we live, which is like 30 minutes away and had lunch or had dinner for my daughter’s birthday.

[00:59:44] Lisa: And that was the first time my youngest son met them. And when we left the restaurant, he called me and he was like, mom, they are so nice. It’s like all three of them said the same thing.

[00:59:56] Lisa: It is. It is. It’s been such a blessing. Oh yeah, we had lunch. Uh, my cousin’s birthday was last week.

[01:00:09] Lisa: And we, I went over and we had lunch. Actually, on Valentine’s Day, we had lunch for her birthday. my aunT, she’s 88 now. She’s just so spunky. I mean, so sassy. It’s just, it’s crazy to have that many similarities with people that you didn’t even know your whole life, I don’t think it’s really changed. I mean, I have still have a lot of empathy for my mom because. She died at 51, and it makes me wonder, like, what was that burden that she was carrying? Did, is that what made her sick? I mean, bless her heart, you know, that she had to carry that lie for, I mean, I was 24 when she died.

[01:01:05] Lisa: So, 24 years she carried it. I don’t know if it would have came out. my parents had. Some best friends that we always went on vacations and stuff with and I hadn’t told them because I wanted to tell them all together and I hadn’t seen them all together until about 2 months ago.

[01:01:21] Lisa: Me and my daughter ran into them at outback. And so I told him, I said, Hey, I’m about to pay, but I’m going to be over to the table in a minute. I’m going to tell y’all something and that’ll give y’all something to talk about after I leave, you know, and so I went over and I told them. And, um, one of the ladies, my brother had already told.

[01:01:42] Lisa: Which I didn’t know and I didn’t even know that he would feel comfortable telling anybody because it’s kind of that touchy subject You know with him but one of the men one of the gentlemen He and my dad lived together When my dad first came to our hometown and so he had known my dad the longest But I didn’t know that he had also known my biological father for even longer I haven’t asked him yet because he kind of gave me the feeling that maybe he knew, but he told me, he said, he said, I want to tell you something.

[01:02:17] Lisa: I have never met a nicer person. He said, when I got out of the Navy, I came back to our hometown and he said he’s the person that signed for me to get my first horse trailer because they were all into rodeo and he said he didn’t have to do that for me but he did and he trusted me enough that I would pay him back you know and he said he was the nicest person you’ll ever meet he said he just had a drinking problem and he said I don’t know where that stemmed from but I’ll tell you this, I think if he had lived, that this all would have came out. And so that’s what kind of made me wonder, like, did he know?

 he kind of was, I mean, he was kind of like a godfather, even with the silver dollars, like he could have put a 5 in a card and I probably to this day wouldn’t have the 5 or the card, you know, but he gave me silver dollars every time. And that’s something that I’ve kept not even knowing. The meaning behind them, you know, it was something that he could give me his widow the other day, she had told me, she said, Oh, he was so proud of you that you were such a good guitar player, which I wasn’t, I wasn’t at all.

[01:03:44] Lisa: She said, he was always bragging how about your guitar. And I said, What do you mean how good I was? I was never good at guitar. And she said, yeah, your mom told him that you learned this song. And she was, she said, you were doing really good.

[01:04:01] Lisa: And he was so proud that you, you know, we’re doing so good. And I said, well, I guess that’s how mothers are. We always think our kids are better than what they are, you know? And she said, Oh yeah, your mom said you were the best. And, you know, I guess she would give him updates. And then she also told me, she said, yeah, when your parents had to go somewhere, like with your brother or something, you would stay with us.

[01:04:26] Lisa: And I was like, I mean, I guess it makes sense since him and my dad were such good friends.

[01:04:31] Lisa: Oh yeah, right Mm mm. it makes me feel better because it, I don’t think that I was unwanted or anything. I think that I was loved by all three of them. I can’t say that I wish that I had known when I was a kid because I know that my life would be totally different, you know, he would have died when I was eight, you know, my mom would have thrown her marriage away for somebody that, I mean, he may not have died when I was eight, but he probably would have, you know, and so it’s like, Yeah, it would have been nice to have my cousin and my aunt way back then because they’re amazing, you know, but on the flip side What would I have had to lose to gain them earlier and you know, everything happens for a reason

[01:05:38] Lisa: You well, the main

[01:05:54] Lisa: Thing, listening to your podcast, listening to your podcast, and there’s a couple of others because I’ve gone through all of yours already. So

[01:06:02] Lisa: now I’m working on.

[01:06:06] Lisa: Yeah, yes, yes, So I have listened to so many podcasts. Now, sometimes I have to take a break because sometimes I’m like, okay, I need to listen to some, you know, 80s rock or 90s R& B or something, you know,

[01:06:23] Lisa: to get out of this funk because it can, you can start listening to everybody’s stories and kind of stay in a funk, you know?

[01:06:31] Lisa: Um, and so I’ve had to just. I mean, I probably listen to them at least every other day, if not every day, sometimes while I’m working or whatever, I listen to the podcast. I hear a lot of people saying, Oh, my whole life was a lie and all that, but it hasn’t changed me.

[01:06:53] Lisa: Who I am, it’s added to who I am, Oh, yeah. I was driving one night. Um, I live in Oklahoma and I was driving from Dallas, so it’s about a two and a half, three hour drive. Coming home late and my husband was asleep, you know, my daughter was in the back asleep. It was late. And all of a sudden, I just started crying out of nowhere, It just overcomes me sometimes because I’m like, Oh my gosh, you know, and sometimes I’ll get into that mindset where like, God, everything is just different now.

[01:07:45] Lisa: But is it really? I mean, I’m still the same person,

[01:07:49] Lisa: you know? Yes. I mean,

[01:07:53] Lisa: it isn’t like you with the race change. So I’m like, Oh, I’m still the same person, but

[01:08:01] Lisa: I mean, like all my health insurance, it is all of my, um, you know, my son the other day, he said, Oh, yeah, I’m always telling everybody that I got my good hair from my Papa.

[01:08:12] Lisa: He said, but where did we get it from?

 I don’t know. I mean, we still, uh, did I tell you about the ant that we found? Another MPE?

[01:08:25] Lisa: So, she, she has a, I don’t think she wants to pursue anything. I mean, I had heard from her. The last time I had heard from her was in May. And then on Christmas, I text her and just said, Hey, Merry Christmas. You know, I didn’t push it or anything.

[01:08:42] Lisa: And that was the first time in what, six months that she had texted me back. And she was like, I’m so sorry. I haven’t texted you back, but she still hasn’t contacted my aunt. My aunt had called her and, you know, but it’s different. My discovery is different from hers because I knew them my whole life.

[01:09:03] Lisa: I didn’t know my aunt so much. I knew of her though. And I didn’t know my, my cousin, but I mean, like I knew my biological father. I knew my biological grandmother. I remember my mom talking about them and, and my mom’s best friend that she dated him, you know? So these are people that I’ve known of my whole life with her.

[01:09:23] Lisa: She’s like, I don’t even know how my mom would, would meet him. And, you

[01:09:27] Lisa: know, and

[01:09:28] Lisa: so. Right. I would love to meet her in person. She’s beautiful. She just turned 72, I feel like we have a lot in common and like my aunt really wants to meet her. She’s like, when is she coming back to Oklahoma?

[01:09:46] Lisa: Has she said anything, you know, and I hate to say, and she’s, she told me, she said. If she doesn’t want to pursue it, I understand, you know, she said, but I’ve always wanted a sister, just like I always wanted a niece, you know, I always wanted to be an aunt. But. Moving forward. I mean like I would love to have a relationship with her moving forward or at least to meet her in person You know, and I would love to for her to meet them because they’re such good people and they’re so genuine, you know And I don’t know so,

[01:10:21] Lisa: you know my brother

[01:10:23] Lisa: They want to meet my brother but he’s like why do I need to meet them, you know,

[01:10:30] Lisa: and I’m like well Um, I mean, I don’t want to push him just like, I mean, initially I wanted him to take a DNA test, but now I’m like, I don’t want him to, I don’t want him to have to go through what I’ve gone through. And also if his biological father is not our dad and it’s somebody else, he might not have the good situation that I’ve, you know, that I’ve come into. Yeah.

[01:11:02] Lisa: and I don’t want him to go through what I’ve gone,

[01:11:05] Lisa: even though it was a good experience, but still there’s that it’s like bittersweet, you know,

[01:11:13] Lisa: and so I don’t want

[01:11:14] Lisa: him to go through that. I think that’s kind of his thing. Like, I don’t need to meet them. And he doesn’t, if he doesn’t want to, I’m just glad that we still have a good relationship and we do,

[01:11:26] Lisa: you know. Oh,

[01:11:48] Lisa: no, no,

[01:11:50] Lisa: I mean, I think that Like I said, everything happened when it was supposed to, um. Could I have used them growing up? Of course. Because they’re amazing people. But, I had a good family. And, to have this family would have kind of negated, you know. It would have crossed out the other.


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